False Advertising put on their first show of the season Wednesday in a packed Cholmondeley's. Morty Rosenbaum '03 started off the whole show. His wisecrack comments and stories had everyone rolling in their seats or -- if they weren't lucky enough to get tp sit -- on their feet. A "choose your own adventure" with only one character is always good to get things rolling, and Rosenbaum was certainly on a roll recalling awkward experiences from his past, describing stupid girls he had met and topping it off with a story about flying glasses of Smirnoff. But, as Rosenbaum himself commented, "I ain't done, bitches!" Rosenbaum went on to make fun of the television show, "The Newlywed Game," and provided the audience with examples of a very open couple, a normal couple and, of course, the couple that had kept every dirty secret from each other and had to be exposed on national television.

Those kinds of things always bring big laughs, and the packed house was practically in tears as Rosenbaum then went into his own version of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." He even sat down on an imaginary chair with hands clapped, just like in her video, and then proceeded to shock the audience with his beautiful voice, which, until then, he had kept completely hidden.

Being a self-described "pillar of virility," Rosenbaum finished by giving himself a round of applause worthy of the great performance he had just delivered.

False Ad took the stage next, beginning with one of their signature games -- splitting the audience in half and having each half yell a different phrase on cue. Wednesday night's game was based on a sign someone had seen down in D.C., which read simply, "Draft Beer, Not Me!"

Throughout the night, False Ad had a pinochle tournament, teaching the audience how to potty train a junior in high school and giving lessons on moon shining the tub, which then turned into a search of the Treasure of Louis the 22nd (I'll bet you didn't know Louis went that high). They made comments left and right about how a family hadn't eaten for two months just to pay for the pinochle table and how moon shining won't make you blind, but masturbation sure will.

The next skit was a variety show involving the word "cucumber." Enough said. Then False Ad had gibberish sisters and after them, a game called Skitzo. There was a fat camp, a war vet from the 1870s and a science fiction character, and all three stories had to end with the line, "I forgot my pants." One of the best lines of the night had to have been, "I can see your pubic area!"

False Ad then had a story- telling session, in which the performers had to make up a book about Chicago, and if you screwed up, you died. In the next skit, two performers were making a CD compilation involving gospel and gangster rap music. The hilarious night ended with the game, "I Hate You Because ..." in which everyone in the audience was asked to complete the phrase on a sheet of paper and give it to the performers who incorporated them into a skit involving a blind, mean and incompetent old woman and a young nurse who is accused of eating all of the old woman's creamed corn.

It was a great night for all and a great start to the semester by False Advertising.