"Water does not exist", "Class until 1 then looong nap," "Zanthar the exterminator will feast upon your soul!" and "Eat me Yankees." Brandeis students philosophize, and chit-chat, threaten and ramble, threatens, rambles, but then wonder where all their time goes.

"I don't know why, but for some reason, every time I go on my computer I feel like I have to check everyone's away message - like I'm going to miss something if I don't." Samantha Saltzman '06 said.

According to the Pew Internet Study, an initiative of the Pew Research Center, many college students vast majority of college students suffer from a similar urge. The study reported that 42 percent of college students use the Internet to communicate socially, with 72 percent specifying that they mainly communicate with friends. As to why college students use the Internet as opposed to other, more antiquated forms of communication (does the phone ring a bell?) 85 percent of students predictably cited the ease and convenience of IM.

That the sample population was limited to college students is not an arbitrary criteria but a telling sign, given that almost half of the participants in the Pew study (49 percent) first began using the Internet in college and that collegians are twice as likely to use away messages compared to the average Internet user.

A parallel study by a student at Haverford College concluded that, "electronic communication has become a dominant form of communication on college campuses in the last decade. E-mail and instant messenger use have increased due to the increase in computer-savvy students."

Interest in the explosion of the Internet spurred on further research by Janis Wolak, Kimberly J. Mitchell and David Finkelhor. Their recent study, published in the Journal of Adolescence, found that 14 percent of adolescents form close online relationships, suggesting that students may be using the Internet to forge personal bonds.

As representatives of all chronic IM users, Brandeis students were asked to analyze their daily fix of instant messaging. "I think people use (instant messaging) more than phones, I also think that away messages are a vital part of AIM," Weldon Kennedy '06 said.

Other student' reflections on the use of away messages were more critical. "The problem with away messages is that there is no real communication involved," Adam Ross '07 said. "Sure, one person reads what the other posts, but there is no exchange of ideas, no interaction between people."

Yet this impersonal form of communication caters to Ross' other needs. "Personally, I love away messages. I don't rely upon them to talk to people for me, but I use them as a buffer almost, something which can temporarily inform people where I am, or maybe give them food for thought for a bit. Like people, away messages are unique though, so different strokes for different folks, I guess."

That away messages don't afford for the most intimate of exchanges is of secondary importance to Saltzman.

"I think they more serve as a filler for everyday pieces of my friends lives that would otherwise be lost in the shuffle. It's nice to get the pieces from away messages, and then talk to them at night about the rest of the stuff going on in their lives."

So is our generation so weary of face-to-face contact that we must resort to electronic regurgitation of song lyrics, poetry, antics or quotes? Or do we choose control and isolation to overcome potentially awkward social interaction?

"People are much more bold over AIM because they aren't in front of other people," Ernesto Lopez '06 said.

Vered Blonstein '06 also cited a new control over self-expression. "People get to show off a side of themselves in away messages that they normally can't without being considered psychotic," she said.

"I wish I had funnier away messages. I see people with funny away messages and feel they are superior because they have something witty to say everyday." Avital Asuleen, '06 said about her own away messaging.

Funny away messages might be cool, but cooler still is the use of fluttering, impromptu reflections. "I usually put up some random thought, something that was just on my mind at that moment in time. If it happens to be, say, 'Pork Chop Sandwiches', then that's what I'm going to put up." Jonathan Budd '06 said.

For Kennedy, cleverness isn't a bonus but a requisite. "Away messages should say something funny or tell people where you are. I am in favor of having new away messages all the time so that it is something new and exciting that people will want to read." he said.

Professor David Jacobson (ANTH) noted in another IM study, "Students go online just to read their friends' away messages."

But our elixir for social anxiety might very well be a placebo. "If someone is shy and introverted, turning to the Internet, and specifically away messages, isn't going to help extrovert them," Ross said. "It will just turn them more inwards, because they wouldn't require human feedback from their thoughts."

Among his more ambitious aspirations is to stimulate thought, which is why last night Ross asked his fellow Internet junkies: "Food for thought: what do away messages mean to you?