Writer discusses legacy of Shidduch
A “Shidduch,” traditional Jewish matchmaking, is less of a commandment and more of a cultural custom, argued Jewish and historical scholar Mirjam Zadoff in a lecture on Tuesday. The talk, titled “Mapping Affections: Shiduchim, Networks, and Love Stories in Modern Judaism,” was part of the Tauber Institute for the Study of European Jewry’s annual colloquium.
Zadoff, an associate professor of Jewish Studies and History and the Alvin H. Rosenfeld Chair in Jewish Studies at Indiana University, is currently in the process of writing a book on Jewish romance, tentatively titled “Jews on the Move, Jews in Love: Cultural Practices of ‘Courtship’ and ‘Dating’ in Modern Jewish Studies.” She noted in her lecture that the central theme of her work, shidduch, “has always been a very important aspect of Jewish life, and funnily still is.” She added that her goal for her work was “not to write a comprehensive study but to try to catch this phenomenon. The plan is to trace the shidduchim, … the whole custom, from the late 18th century as the moment where it’s still there in its most traditional form, but when it starts to change, and starts to be under the influence of modernity. And then practically up until today.”
In researching how modernization, assimilation and secularization influenced the shidduch, Zadoff learned that “the shidduch has been regarded as a good deed … but it’s not a commandment; … it’s more of a cultural custom,” which, she argued, makes the custom’s persistence into the current century all the more intriguing.
She also discussed how her research methods have focused on “tracing continuities and change” and how her writing structure will use “eclectic stories that give insights into moments of change.” The first chapter of her projected six-chapter book starts with one of these stories, taken from a letter written to Fromet Gugenheim from Moses Mendelssohn in 1761. The two had met by chance, fallen in love and decided to marry. “Getting married in 18th century Germany usually looked very different. The usual pattern was arranged marriage,” Zadoff noted, adding that “the shidduch reflects social standing of a person, social standing in the community, economic and moral value of a person, future potential of the marriage candidate; in fact, it includes every aspect of a person.”
She discussed the concept of “arranged meetings,” during which families would “accidentally” run into each other in hotels or parks so that the young men and women could meet and feel as if they had some choice in the matter. Zadoff also noted a shift in the mentality toward arranged marriage, particularly among women and those at university, coinciding with the Russian Revolution of 1905, when, as Zadoff notes, “there is an exceptionally high number of Jewish women involved [in the revolution], and they are promoting this new life, and revolution … enters and influences partnership. This becomes a general trope all over Europe.” She added that the changing ideology was reflected in Yiddish literature, which tried to “combine the traditional world and the modern world of romantic love. ... [There were] stories about shidduch … that brings real happiness; although it was arranged, it still follows the whole idea of romantic love.”
Next, Zadoff described the transition of matchmaking from Europe to the United States, where even in the post-war era, intermarriage between people of different religions was still contested and anti-Semitism pervaded the country. Zadoff described how the traditions, like arranged meetings, evolved to fit the new generation, thus contributing to the rise of vacation destinations like the Catskills as places to meet eligible partners. Traditional Judaic culture also pervaded mainstream American culture during this time, as the “American public embraced movies or Broadway shows,” — such as “Fiddler on the Roof,” “Yentl” and “Hello Dolly,” — that “played with the tension of the freedom of falling in love and the constriction of the traditional matchmaking,” Zadoff argued.
Finally, Zadoff pointed to dating websites like JDate and Jretro Match that allow Jewish singles from all over the world to meet and spark relationships. Though the practice of shidduch has changed over the centuries, Zadoff noted that it still exists today, continuing to thrive in Jewish culture for those who wish to incorporate tradition into their modern lives.
The event was sponsored by the Tauber Institute for the Study of European Jewry and the Department of Near Eastern and Judaic Studies.
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