When looking at the landscape of reality television, one thing has been missing: MILFs. But no longer, thanks to TLC and their new show “MILF Manor.” MILFS, or “Moms I’d Like to Fuck” for the shocking few that are not in the know, rule this new show that has a shocking twist: eight MILF head to Mexico in search of love with — get this — their eight sons. That’s right, “MILF Manor” explores the untapped market of familial dating, and although the MILFS do not date their own sons, the show is equally as salacious — thankfully, minus the incest. 

After watching the entire first season of “MILF Manor,” I have a lot of thoughts. I am by no means an expert when it comes to reality television or dating shows — I haven’t even watched many shows from this genre — but I have obsessively watched “MILF Manor” and feel confident speaking about it. 

I had high hopes that “MILF Manor” wouldn’t fall into the tired reality television tropes rooted in sexism and misogyny that so often dominate the genre. Seeing the show’s embrace of older women in their marketing, I felt hopeful, but alas, “MILF Manor” disappoints on this front. That being said, the show is a very interesting social experiment, and I enjoyed watching it solo and with friends from a standpoint of curiosity and criticality. 

Thoughts on the structure

“MILF Manor” diverged in many ways from the tried but true reality show structure, and it didn’t really work for me. There was seemingly no cash prize, no clear timeline in which the contestants had to “find love,” and no reliable elimination cycle — think, “I give you this rose.” These ingredients have become crucial to the dating show recipe, and without them, the show missed the mark in some ways. If not for such an original concept, I would have quickly lost interest due to the show’s lack of creative direction. Luckily for you, readers, I persevered — I know, heroes don’t always wear capes. 

The only information we got about the show in the pilot episode was that the moms and sons did not know they were going to be on the same dating show—on this, I am a little skeptical, because one mom and son duo said they both knew they were going on a dating show with older women and younger men in La Paz, Mexico but didn’t know they’d be on the same show. Seems sketchy to me. Other than this, however, there was no information on the duration of the show or the  question of monetary compensation. 

People love to debate whether contestants are on shows for love or money, and money is often the safest bet when trying to decipher contestants’ intentions. That’s not to say that pure intentions aren’t possible; however, the fame and money acquired as a result of the shows almost always outlives the relationships that the show cultivates to create. That doesn’t stop people from watching, though — Bachelor Nation and the like have always gone strong no matter if the relationships live or die. Personally, I have never been a fan of “The Bachelor” or its numerous spin offs, but that’s beside the point. We’re here to talk about “MILF Manor,” but there’s a reason that shows like “The Bachelor” are so effective: These shows capitalize on the formula that makes for a level of meaningless drama in each episode, creating the perfect sense of escapism for viewers. Reliably, at least one person will go home in each episode, which makes for fast-paced television. “MILF Manor” lacked this pacing and structure. Contestants could go on dates seemingly whenever they wanted. Although there where some challenges where sons or moms could win a date with a person of their choosing — the dirty laundry challenge where son Ryan flossed what he thought was his mother’s dirty thong through his teeth is an image that will never leave my brain; for those that are wondering, he did not win the challenge — these challenges were sporadic at best. 

The first few episodes were pretty bland thematically. Other than learning some intimate details about some contestants — such as an unfortunate run in with pink eye for Jimmy following a sexual encounter — there wasn’t much to report. The show didn’t really pick up for me until the mass elimination in episode seven. In earlier episodes, the show’s creators pulled out the old trick of bringing on a new mother and son pair after the original group had settled into the villa, but this didn’t rattle up much drama since there was no subsequent elimination or forced reshuffling. 

I think “MILF Manor” shone brightest when tackling the intricacies of family dynamics. Near the end of the season, friends and family members of the mothers were invited on the show, and their younger love interests had to battle it out for the stamp of approval. Notably, daughters of the mothers came on to the show to tempt the younger men, and one MILF’s ex husband showed up on the scene as well. Since the entire show is grounded in family — could you imagine meeting your significant other’s mother or son on your first date? — the family/friend visit seemed to be more aimed at stirring up drama than actually meeting family members. This was very successful, and certainly lots of emotions came up for the contestants. 

All in all, it seems like the show’s creators experimented with the typical recipe of a dating show in the hopes of creating stronger connections; however, their efforts missed the mark and just created more confusion and less thematic pacing.  

“Let’s talk about sex, baby” 

Why are there never queer relationships in reality dating shows? From a logistical standpoint, it would make for much more interesting television. If all the contestants are bisexual, this probably doubles the dating/matching process. Unfortunately, “MILF Manor” was very heterosexual and cisgendered. There are moments were female sexuality seems to be embraced — the moms give a sex education class in episode five, and mom Charlene gives an impassioned speech about the importance of female pleasure — but others where sexual agency is completely ignored — Charlene, who is a big mixed bag, also instructs her son that he must take control in the bedroom because women want to be controlled, and anyone who claims otherwise is just a lesbian in need of a strap on. This is insane on so many different levels. 

It’s maybe a lot to expect sex positivity and gender inclusivity from a reality competition show given how often the genre overlooks those tenants, but I think those goals are fully actionizable, if only the creators were to put more emphasis on them. 

Embrace of aging women, but only in the context of the male gaze

It has to be said: the premise of this show would never have worked had the roles been reversed. If older men were dating younger girls, audiences would have, by my estimation, seen the behavior as gross or predatory. And yet, attractive older women seem to exist in opposition to this, which I think speaks to the ways in which attractive older women are simultaneously sexualized and ignored. The adjective “attractive” is key here, as unattractive women are held to completely different standards. 

A lot of what makes an older woman “fuckable,” according to mass culture, is her youthful and mature appearance. At least in Western cultures, the beauty industry does not allow women to age. Women are criticized if they don’t “age gracefully” and are criticized if they try to take on too youthful an appearance for their advanced years. Women who exist in the public eye especially encounter this, and those who do not meet the standards in aging — no wrinkles, no gray hair — and who pursue plastic surgery as a solution are also criticized. There is seemingly no way to win, and this is because so much of beauty standards for women operate within the male gaze, and “MILF Manor” was not exempt from this trend. 

For a show based on different aged relationships, the majority of the conversations were about the ages of previous partners. So much emphasis was put throughout the show on if these younger men have dated an older woman before or if they know how to take care of an older woman — why?!? This time could have been much better spent on exploring how to navigate age differences in relationships — if I have to hear one more time about how their relationship will work because “he’s an old soul” I’m going to scream. 

***

“MILF Manor,” like most shows in its genre, was flawed. There was a fair bit of not-so-subtle racism in the season’s 9 episode run. A lot of people mispronounced mom Soyoung’s name (pronounced soo-yung) to make the unoriginal joke that she liked men who were “so young.” Mom Kelle also criticized fellow moms Pola and Stefany for speaking in Spanish, saying it was “disrespectful” and “we didn’t come here so you could speak Spanish.” Spanish is Pola’s first language, and she should be allowed to speak it whenever she choses. But also the show literally takes place in Mexico, which just adds more insanity to Kelle’s argument. There was also some body shaming and bashing of people’s sexual choices or forwardness. All in all, not a great look on “MILF Manor”’s part. 

That all being said, the show was still entertaining, and I think the show did at least start to address some of the difficulties that arise in pursuing a relationship with someone who has had vastly different life experiences than you. 

“MILF Manor” is a steaming dumpster fire of a show that is impossible to look away from. To a certain extent, everything in this genre is going to be flawed, and that just has to be part of the fun. I was completely captivated and fascinated by the characters in “MILF Manor” and the choices they made. I highly recommend that you watch “MILF Manor,” either lightheartedly or critically with the goals of analyzing the different relationships. I am anxiously awaiting season two so I can do just that.